There are two types of disclosure, accidental and purposeful. Preschool children appear to disclose sexual abuse in accidental ways generally using play and behavior. School aged children also use play and behavior but may verbally drop hints or pieces of information to test for reactions from adults. If adults react favorably they may disclose more information. There are many reasons why children do not purposefully disclose sexual abuse, including: lack of verbal skills due to age; fear; confusion and lack of information that the sexual abuse is wrong.
Children who are abused by a family member or an adult living within the family, generally do not disclose to the non-offending parent. Perpetrators of incest and extrafamilial sexual abuse successfully use fear to get a child to cooperate in keeping the sexual abuse secret. Often this fear involves threats. Verbal threats include convincing the child that their parent(s) will be angry at them or reject them, including sending him/her away from family and friends. Perpetrators also successfully use physical threats, convincing the child that if they tell he/she will be harmed by the perpetrator.
PARENTAL REACTIONS TO DISCLOSURE
There are many factors that can influence parental reaction to disclosure. These influences are often complex and intertwined. Most professionals currently believe that the majority of mothers confronted with a disclosure of incest do not have prior knowledge of the sexual abuse and do not collude with ongoing abuse.
The following is a discussion about some of the factors that can influence parental reactions whether the parent is a non-offending parent of incest or a parent experiencing extrafamilial sexual abuse of their child.
1) Generally the younger the child victim and the longer the abuse occurred over time, effects how a parent will respond. Young children are considered more vulnerable because of lack of problem solving and protection skills.
2) The quality of a parent's relationship with their victimized child will influence their reaction. For example, if the parent/child relationship has suffered from attachment difficulties or separation there may already be a stressful parent/child relationship. Disclosure of sexual abuse contributes additional stress to this relationship.
3) When a parent is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse who has not had the opportunity to successfully work on their own issues of victimization, their issues as a survivor will influence the reaction they have to their child's sexual abuse.
4) Other family problems at the time of disclosure, such as alcohol or drug abuse and domestic violence will influence the parent's ability to respond to yet another stressor, sexual abuse.
5) When the sexual abuse is incest, the quality and intimacy of the relationship between a non-offending parent and the perpetrator will influence a non-offending parent's reaction. For example, reaction to the sexual abuse by a baby-sitter who does not have an intimate relationship with the non-offending parent will be different from reaction to sexual abuse by a stepparent, partner, or family member. Reaction is further affected by whether the perpetrator and the non-offending parent's intimate relationship has problems such as domestic violence.
6) Other factors such as cultural and childhood family attitudes and values towards sexual matters including sexual abuse influence parental reaction.
Parental reactions to disclosure will vary but most "normal" reactions will be similar to the stages of grief originally described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.